The magic of twin-ship

I’ve been sitting on posting these photos for seven months now. Mostly because I couldn't find the words to describe this lady right here and the bond we share. For those who know, you know who this is. Everyone else: Meet my (fraternal) twin sister, Lisa! When she came to visit me in London last June, I forced nudged her to do a photoshoot with me. And this is what we came out with. 

Being twins, we have so many photos together as babies and kids, but we actually don’t have that many together as adults. Before I moved, she was my primary blog photographer and spent most of the time behind the camera. I’m so happy she was willing to be on the other side this time around. Photoshoots can be scary but like most things in life, Lisa will do them if I prove that I didn’t die doing it first. This one we faced together. 

This wasn’t a regular photoshoot and these aren’t just photos. To me, they evoke emotions — ones we proudly show on our faces — and not just the calm and happy ones. They tell a story of our twinness and the many ways we co-exist in the world. From the cuddly to the sassy, to the unbreakable hand-holding and the pretending to be civilized outside a café photo, I hope you get a sense of what we’re truly like, not just through my words, but through the images too. 

This visit was incredibly special to me. Lisa is the most important person in my life; She’s my best friend and partner for life. If there was a geographical equivalent to the love I have for Lisa, London would be it. Spending time with the person I love most in the city I love the most was, well, a love explosion, if you will.

The lovefest lasted until the moment I had to unhinge my arms from her waist at the airport departures gate. Being a twin is not easy. On the one hand, Lisa and I (I’ll refer to us as “we” moving forward) get to experience a rare bond that only 3.3 per cent of people do. Being a twin is vastly different from having sisters or brothers, and lightyears different from being an only child. Only twins truly understand the bond we have, although not all twins remain close throughout their lifetime.

We’re in the ‘close forever’ box

We have had the immense pleasure and joy of being very close since babies. The love, friendship, and twin-ship (if you will) that we have is unparalleled to anything I’ve ever experienced. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her and I can always rely on her just the same. There’s been a lot of research done on twins. We’ve learned that twins bond to each other in the way non-twin children bond to their parents. So, when twins separate, they feel the same difficulties that non-twin children feel when they move out of their parents’ home. 

Twins living in different cities

We’ve not lived in the same city for two years now. When we first moved away from each other (Lisa moved away for school), we spent the first few months crying a lot while spending every moment we could on Facetime, mostly while the camera watched us do our everyday tasks (like a baby monitor of sorts).

It was really, really, hard

Living in the dark underbelly of the metaphorical rainbow twin-ship bridge exposed how close our relationship is. We’ve never existed without each other. It’s no wonder we didn’t really know how. And this is why ripping the twin separation band-aid was equally painful and crucial to our growth as people — and as twins. 

Moving to London 

This has been my dream for many years. I had to make many sacrifices to come here and live out this dream, and my family and friends back home have had to do the same. Lisa has been so supportive. Even though it was my choice to move here, she has had to suffer the pain of us being apart. Despite this, she’s always cheered me on and has put me above her own feelings and desires of wanting me home.  

We can feel the distance 

When I packed up my life to move to London, I wasn’t worried about the challenges that would come my way. I was mostly worried about how we would deal with being so far away. The timezone is one thing but being so physically far away is a hard one to swallow. As twins, we aren’t telepathic but we do have a strong energetic connection and we can feel the distance between us. 

How have we survived? 

Some days we do and sometimes we don’t. We have a strict FaceTime schedule. While I always know what she is up to and we get to see each-other’s face every day, I am missing out on the little things. Whether it’s doing groceries or cleaning the house, everything was easier when we did it together, and we made it fun. Seeing her face when I come home from work and her “bothering me” asking how my day is like a dog who’s greeted it’s owner at the door. These are the things I miss the most. 

PHOTOS BY LEANNE DIXON

Because of you, I am 

Lisa gives me life and she inspires me to be better. When life knocks me out, she is the reason I can keep going. The bond we share is forever. It’s infinite. It’s rare. I’m grateful to get to experience the magic of twin-ship.

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A PROMISE I MADETO MYSELF THATHAS CHANGED MY LIFE

Before this year even began, I knew it would consist of big changes and new environments. I've shared before that one of the biggest changes has been living apart from my twin. She moved seven hours away for school and is pursuing her dreams. This year has been a challenging one for me so far. Living far from Lisa was my first challenge. And I rode that pity-party rollercoaster ride for about a month before I realized that I had let myself go. I didn't like how I was feeling on the regular and needed to take things into my own hands. It was time for me to figure out how to take care of me, for me. I was used to taking care of me and Lisa — as a twin unit. But not for just me, myself, and I. Deep down, I realize now that I care more about her wellbeing than my own and I'm suffering for it. I think it's normal to forget that at any point, we all have the power to change our lives. I started with the basics. 

Coat, Top and Boots: Value Village. Skirt: Victoria Beckham x Target. Hoops: Forever 21. 

The basics — eating healthy and fresh foods, getting enough sleep, moving my body, resting, saying no when I need to, daily meditation, doing things that bring me joy, and leaning on others for support are incredibly important. When I moved, I somehow stopped doing many of these things. It was no wonder I wasn't feeling great. About two weeks ago, during meditation, I felt compelled to make a promise to myself. 

How many promises do we make to other people? How many times do we respond 'yes' or 'of course'? And, how often do we actually do the same for ourselves? 

My promise sounded like this: 

I promise to meditate everyday. 
To feed myself healthy, fresh foods
To move my body and sweat
To rest 
To speak my truth
To sleep enough

The words just came to me. I knew what I needed. We all do. But we're scared to make a promise to ourselves. We're scared to admit that we need to care for ourselves sometimes, which may require us to actually utter the word 'no' to others. 

This promise became my daily ritual. It is just a few sentences and there is no one holding me accountable except myself. I am enough to keep me going. 

Let. Me. Tell. Youuuu.

Since I've been speaking this promise, I haven't felt this good in months, since before my routine was thrown off. My mind feels clear. I have boundless energy. I am creative. I have tolerance. 

I will — and have — been taken off course since. But knowing that it's a possibility to feel that good again, is the biggest and best motivator for me to go back to that place. I know how important these basics are for me. And each basic motivates the next. When I eat healthy foods, I feel inspired to exercise. When I rest when I need to, I feel in control. When I meditate everyday, I create the space for me to make this promise to myself. The promise has opened my life. 

You know the age-old money saving tip of pay yourself first? When I meditate everyday, I make my promise. I promise myself before I make any promises to others. And that is how you cultivate self-love. 

PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD (during our first visit!)

I've been encouraging my yoga students to make a promise to themselves. And I say "you know what that promise is." 

So, what promise do you need to make to yourself? 

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Stumbling Into 2018:6 Things ThatKeep Me Going

I can't tell you how good it feels to be typing in this white box again. These past four weeks have been the most challenging ones I've endured in a longggg time. Since my last post, I've moved in with a friend, helped my twin sister Lisa move to London, Ontario, to do her graduate degree (in -40 celsius weather fyi), and have spent a week straight in bed sick with a really bad cold. Despite the long days and tough labour that goes into moving, the hardest part has been living so far away from Lisa (7 hr drive). We've never not lived together and we have the best relationship. She's more than a sister to me and I can't explain the bond we have. We both didn't know what to expect but we knew it would be hard. And it has been. 

How have I been surviving? In a nutshell: Facetime, incredible support from friends and family, time off social media, and allowing myself to rest, cry, and talk if I need to, which included taking a mini blogging break. 

I'm slowly crawling out of my hole and have learned that although my world stopped for some time, the actual world keeps on spinning. And each day brings it's own beauty and challenges. 

I know I'm not the only one stumbling into 2018 in the fetal position. Here's what helps keep me going.  

Hat: Gap, $22. Sweater: The Bay Outlet, $6. Dress: Value Village, $8. Boots: Torrid, $70. (Shop similar).

Spending time with people who remind me of who I am. 

If this rough patch has taught me anything it's that I have a lot of people in my life who care about me and want to see me succeed. Our environment and the people in it can have such a big influence on how we feel and perceive ourselves. When I spend time with people who know the real me, it reminds me of who I am, why I'm here, and why I should keep going. 

Tapping into my inner creator.

Making things makes me happy. We are all creators by nature and our creativity is unlimited. More makes more. For me, creating can be writing, graphic design, taking pictures or cooking. It takes my mind off my stress and allows me to put my energy into something beautiful. 

Surrendering to pain. 

This time in my life has taught me a lot about healing and how it takes place. In order for me to move from a space of exhaustion and emotional stress, I had to surrender to the pain. I had to stop trying to control everything and just allow it to pass. I had to recognize my capacity and potential to heal. And I had to respect that potential by allowing myself to feel it all. 

Comparing myself to others my former self. 

During my lowest point, I found that social media was having a really negative impact on me and was making everything worse. I had to delete most of the apps off my phone for a little and I felt so much better. It's almost impossible not to compare ourselves to other people's highlight reels when we go on social media. When we remove the news feed from the equation, all we can do is compare ourselves to our former selves. It helps me to think about how far I've come despite hitting a low point, to realize my inner strength, and find strength to carry on. Day to day, we may not notice how much we've changed. But if you reflect on the past year, you'll see how your persistence has paid off. And, speaking of persistence...

Practicing the art of persistence. 

We don't change by night. When we change our daily habits, everything can change. The highest energy points in creating goals are at the beginning and end. The middle is where the challenge comes. The middle is where persistence, self-discipline, and daily actions are most important. They will bridge the gap between having a dream and living that dream. I'm often reminding myself to stay focused, keep trying, and do something daily that helps me be better.

Being grateful.  

Don't say I want, say I have. Be the thing that you want. It might feel silly at first but trust me, this works. It works in a visualization kind of way but also in a gratitude way. It helps you visualize where you want to be but it also makes you feel grateful for where you already are in your life. For example, instead of focusing too much on how sad I am to be so far from Lisa, I focus on how grateful I am to have her in my life. I realize that I am lucky to have someone who makes it so hard to be apart. Or when I was sick in bed, I tried really hard not to dwell too much on sickness and rather visualize wellness. 

What keeps you going?

Photos by Lisa Kidd circa early Dec.

 

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HEART BOOPS TO ALL OF YOU

Twin Love <3 

I think I dislike Valentine's Day for the same reason I'm not fond of Christmas. It's the materialism, the expectations, and it can be isolating for single people, despite how fun Galentines is. 

I wanted to write a post about love. It's not a topic I touch on very often but something I do think about quite often. Being single for over a year now, I've had the opportunity to really explore what love is. Nothing like mending a broken heart by thinking about love and what it really is! In all seriousness, I've been learning to love myself and in doing so, I have experienced all of my relationships change for the better. And when I say relationships, I mean friends, family, colleagues, animals, and so on. 

Writing about love feels as awkward as writing about yoga. They're both so experiential that putting them into words feels funny. 

I think there's a huge disconnect in how we're told to give love and what it actually means to love someone. Buying your girlfriend a dozen roses will make her happy and she will feel appreciated, yes. But that isn't why she loves you. She loves you because when she's having a bad day, she knows that simply hearing your voice is comforting. When she's feeling happy and excited, she knows that she can share that with you. 

Your friends love you because you're there for them. You'll make time to spend with them in a world where everyone is "just so busy". 

Your dog loves you because... well just because. 

Love can be scary because it makes you feel vulnerable. Allowing someone to touch your heart and being able to touch theirs in return can be terrifying and beautiful in the same breathe. 

Do you feel me? 

On this day, I think we can all find comfort in that we're all the same. We all want love. We all have so much love to give. Today and everyday, show the people in your life that you love them by making time for them, by looking them in the eye when they speak to you, by truly listening to what they have to say, by holding space for them, by giving them a real hug where you feel your hearts' boop (when your hearts touch ever so slightly), and by letting them know that you value them being in your life. 

Happy day to all my Valentines. 

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The Beach.

Me and my twin sister Lisa finally got a super sunny, gorgeous day where we both had the afternoon off and decided to take full advantage by going to the beach. We love going to the beach together. Lisa usually sits and reads while I either take pictures or listen to music. I wore my favourite (and only bathing suit) with my blue high waist shorts and go-to beach sandals. These sandals are literally on their third summer and I'm always amazed at how they're still holding on. My sunglasses are a new addition from Joe Fresh. I love them so much that they made it into my new header! Thoughts?

Going to the beach is the best way to relax, spend time with people you love and catch some much needed sun (but don't forget the sunscreen!)

Have you gotten to visit the beach this summer?













Pictures taken by Lisa Kidd and myself.

bathing suit: winners, $35 shorts: winners, $20 bag: KGB black label, $80 shoes: urban outfitters, $38 sunglasses: joe fresh, $9

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