PROGRESSOVER PERFECTION

I'll do this after I do that. I'll get to it once this happens. I can't start this until this is perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfection. 

How many times does perfection get in the way of starting or doing the things we love? If we can't do it perfectly or under the perfect circumstances, we don't see the point in doing it at all. 

I've done this my whole life and will continue to do it. I will put off projects or self-care or life plans until the circumstances or plan is perfect. At first I thought it was just a Virgo trait (it is) and shrugged it off but then I realized how everyone can relate to this awful perfection trap. For me, perfection has made me procrastinate the bigger things like moving to London, re-designing this blog (notice anything different?) or choosing a daily meditation to practice — and the smaller things — like cleaning my room, planning my day off, or making a meal. If I can't clean my entire room perfectly, I'll put off cleaning it at all. If I can't decide on the perfect plan for my day off, I'll just end up staying home or running errands instead of doing something enjoyable. 

Perfection: a condition experienced by many — exasperated by social media — can cause frustration, procrastination, low self-esteem, and if left untreated, can lead to sadness, lack of purpose, and constant questioning featuring too many what ifs.

Let's be scientists or philosophers? for a minute and dissect perfection as it relates to human life. Everyone defines perfect differently and we all have varying levels of personal standards of perfection. I think it's fair to say — and I personally believe — that perfection is an illusion. Just as social media is an illusion. It is a curated, edited, airbrushed montage of just one tiny facet of our lives. Based on the idea that perfection is an illusion, that means perfection doesn't exist. So, why do we care so much about something that doesn't exist? 

Sometimes people — myself largely included — get caught up in living in a non-reality where life revolves mainly around the superficial things like appearance, status, money, and to-do lists. Living in reality means connection with others, accepting myself as I truly am, feeling emotions even the dark ones, and being versus doing. 

*lost in a philosophical black hole as I usually am* 

Okayyy let's go back to my original point of perfection causing procrastination and so much more. A few weeks ago I had a moment where I realized I had been living in this state for years. It was during my daily FaceTime chat with my sister. We were talking about my blog and how I wanted to re-design the layout. She said: Didn't you say you'd do the re-design once you moved to London and felt more inspired?

Me, having lived four months already in London, felt this question slap me upside the face with truth. It launched me straight out of my non-reality as my reality sunk in. "Inspiration" was just a pretty name I gave to my fear of not achieving perfection with my re-design. And this fear fuelled years of procrastination. So not only did I not re-design my blog, I continued to post despite growing to actually hate my (now previous) layout. 

After we got off the phone, this mantra came to me and kicked me in the butt: 

PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION
PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION
PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION

When I choose to make progress, move forward, and take action, that's when I achieve my goals. It's letting the walls of perfection fall to reveal something so pure and unique to me. It's about loving and believing in myself enough to trust that whatever I create isn't perfect but it's real. And my best self is created from this space of honesty. 

It's easy to get caught up in comparison of what everyone else is doing and the need to feel accepted. But what ends up happening is everyone does the same thing and the perfection bug actually causes repetition. 

My friends know I had been talking about moving to London for years before moving. I wanted it to be perfect. But I got to a point where I had to just take action and go or I would be waiting forever. My move wasn't simple or easy and I've faced many, many, rejections and walls. But this experience taught me to live here and now, and to actually do the things I talk about doing someday. Because like perfection, someday doesn't actually exist. 

The day after my chat with my sister, I did my blog re-design in just a few hours. It felt good to finally do it and not worry about it being perfect. Once I started it, the pressure was off and having done it, I now feel inspired by myself — not London — to finish it off. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LEANNE DIXON

The next time you're about to put off anything because you're scared it won't be perfect, remember that progress is more important than perfection. Clean your room just a little bit, apply for that job without re-reading your application fifty times, start that book, pick up your paint brush, let your laundry pile up a bit while you catch up with that friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Be imperfectly you. 

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ALONE IN A BIG CITY:SELF-REFLECTIONS

In my last post, I shared some big news and also wrote about my struggles with being alone in a new country. 

To catch you up, I moved to London, England, just over one month ago. It's been a lifelong dream and goal of mine that has finally been brought to fruition. One of my biggest over-arching challenges has been constantly trying to silence the self-doubting voices and maintain a level of self-confidence needed to do the things I need ~and want~ to do. 

I've been spending a lot of time alone. Not necessarily by choice. I knew this would be inevitable — living in a new city — and I knew it would be my biggest challenge and teacher.

Just a few years ago and even sometimes now, I would fill my days with a lot of stuff. All good stuff, mind you, but it was a lot. Being always in a state of "so busy" meant I never had to be alone with myself and my thoughts. This worked for me until it didn't. And then I had to find some sort of solution. I owe a lot to Kundalini Yoga and daily meditation practice. But that's another post (or def one I've already done). 

One of the reasons I wanted to move somewhere I don't have many friends and zero family was to see what it feels like to be alone. Like really alone. I wanted to feel what that feels like in an authentic way. Back when I would fill my life with so many events, work, meetings, and hang outs, I sort of lost touch with who I was as an individual. 

I wanted to know what happens when I don't have all my comforts — people, places, things — at my disposal. Who am I without those things? How do strangers perceive me? How do I react? 

I've now spent a month in self-reflection mode and am working on taking responsibility for my feelings, emotions and actions. 

Top: Atika Jeans and Belt: New Look Purse: Lady Arkenstone Vintage Shoes: L'Intervalle

I'll explain it like this. I try to give everyone I meet — new friends, cashiers, salespeople, waiters, bank tellers, and librarians — a blank slate. 

Here's a story. I have been frequenting my local library to work on my laptop. I have this newfound appreciation for libraries and the way they hold space for all — without expecting anything in return. Especially as a newbie to the city, it's a place I can always depend on.

During a recent visit, I decided to check out some books and picked two out. I brought them to the desk and *tried* to check them out. I got rejected because my account doesn't have that type of access just yet. Longgg story short: I need to provide proof of address which I still don't have because I am waiting for various documents in the mail. When the librarian rejected my request to check out books, I wanted to freak out. 

Why? 

She doesn't know this but this is probably the sixth time I've received this type of rejection. Mostly from banks. The admin of setting up life in a new country is a major headache and this one at the library was the straw that broke the camel's back. 

I really felt like snapping with major attitude. But I reminded myself that this librarian is simply relaying a message surrounding a policy she specifically has nothing to do with. She also doesn't know the rejections I've faced. And it doesn't matter. I took a few seconds before reacting in a way I'd regret. I took responsibility for my emotions and reacted with a simple "Ok, thank you."

I've become hyper-aware of reactions that derive from a deep place. This has helped me understand where other people's reactions are coming from. I think a lot of conflict hardly ever comes from a surface-level place. It's often a few layers deep. This is why I try my best to be compassionate to everyone I meet. We don't know the layers they're carrying. And we don't need to involved them in our layers. 

photography: Leanne Dixon

I'm trying my best to embrace being alone and all the lessons it brings. I know it won't be long before my schedule begins to fill and I'll have the pleasure of being in the company of others. Until then, I'm going to embrace this period of self-reflection and enjoy my own company. Cause it's pretty awesome.  

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LIKES AND FOLLOWSAND COMMENTS, OH MY!WHAT'S IN A METRICTHESE DAYS?

Being a human on The Internet can be tough. 

Everything we do online is measured. Our likes, follows, comments, clicks, views, unlikes, unfollows, spam views, and the list goes on. As a social media manager, blogger, and general human on the Internet, I've had to think a lot about these metrics. 

A typical brain gaggle of questions may look something like this: 

What is the best time to post? If I include a photo of a person will it get more likes than a graphic? If I ask a question will I get more comments? If I post before noon will I reach a different audience? How much does my blog post title reallllly matter? How come this picture got 113 likes? How come this picture only got 21 likes? 

I know some of you will relate to this thought process and I think that most of us have some version of these questions every now and then. We can't pretend like we truly don't care how much praise — or flack — we get on social media. It's psychological and it's finally being discussed in articles about mental health and how this new way of life is affecting us emotionally. 

I've worked in the mental health field for years and often think about how social media affects our mental health, self-identity, and ultimately our stress levels. In reading about why we're so addicted to social media and our phones, I learned that every time our phone buzzes with a text or new follow, the reward network in our brain is activated. The release of dopamine during online social networking makes it much harder for people to resist the activity.

Of course this article alone isn't enough for me to quit cold turkey and that certainly isn't the message of this post but I think it's important to be aware. When we're aware of something, it helps us make better decisions. When it comes to social media, I personally don't think quitting is the answer for me but rather finding a healthier balance.

As a blogger, I find myself feeling SoOoOO happy and over the moon when a post gets a lot of likes, shares, and ultimately, views. But when a post isn't doing well, I begin to spiral into negative thoughts like what's the point, nobody cares, you are worthless, why bother. This exact spiral happened after I published my last post. It was one where I opened up a lot. I took a lot of time writing and refining. I posted pictures that were very different from my typical ones and thought they'd generate interest. I thought the post was going to really resonate with people. 

And it did. But this didn't result in a lot of views. It actually has the lowest view count among my posts all year. I only know it resonated because of comments on my personal Facebook share of the post AND, get this — I got an "in-person" comment. Seriously. Someone came up to me and said "I read your last post and really liked it. It resonated with me and made me really think about some things. So thank you." 

And this got me thinking. WHAT really is in a social media metric? Am I placing too much value on the wrong metrics? Why should views be considered my gold standard of worth? Do in-person comments not count because they aren't Internet-tracked? 

I've had in-person comments before and they always made me feel really good. Way better than any like, follow or comment combined. Just like how talking to a friend in person is always better than texting. But you can read more about how to really be there for someone in my last post. Please click, it needs more views. ;)

As the world craves more transparency and true connections, I'm learning that what we truly like on social media is changing. It's not about standing out anymore. Quite frankly, nobody stands out anymore. And the ones who do are the ones who are simply honest. They're shameless. They're caring and kind. They write genuine comments. They share big pieces of their heart. And they offer in-person comments. The best kind. 

They say that to be successful, we must be happy first. Put the happy first and success will follow. Do what you love and the money will come, so to speak. My goal for this blog has and always will be to share, connect and resonate with people through being open with my experiences and feelings. In the new digital space where everything is becoming saturated, the new path to success is paved with honesty, kindness, and compassion. And I hope you'll join me on this yellow brick road. 

The most important thing for me to remember is that my number of "likes" shouldn't change how much I like myself. I'm learning to "like" myself more each day. And that, my friends, is priceless. 

PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD.

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HOW I STAY CONSISTENT

In a previous post, I shared that this year has been one of the most challenging ones for me. My environment changed a lot and many of my feel good habits kinda just went out the window. This began to take a toll on my wellbeing and I knew I needed to make some changes to my daily habits. In this post, I talked about a promise I made to myself that has changed my life. Today, I want to share how this promise has kept me accountable and how I've been able to stay consistent. 

Jacket: Adidas, Goodwill. Pants: Winners. Top and Boots: Value Village. Earrings: H&M. Purse: Lady Arkenstone Vintage. 

BE REALISTIC

I think we all have many goals in our head that we constantly repeat to ourselves. These goals can often seem very big at first and discourage us from taking the first step. We wouldn't typically say I want to go to bed five minutes earlier, we often start with I want to go to bed an hour or two earlier. But an hour can be unrealistic as a starting goal. If we decided to go to sleep ten minutes earlier every night for a week, that feels like something we can accomplish. 

I keep my daily promise quite vague and every day I alter it slightly to fit my needs. I listen to my body and some days the promise to exercise everyday turns into I promise to move my body today. It's a slight difference but it ensures that I still accomplish my goal of daily movement. Some days my promise will include I promise to rest or say no if I need to, because I know it's what I need. 

MAKE TIME 

I've kept up my daily good habits for three weeks now and I'm finally feeling good again. I'm learning to prioritize my needs and make time for them. They need a space to live too. 

I've learned that my wellness rituals don't need to take away from my social time either. If I have plans with a friend and have yet to have done any form of exercise that day, I will suggest we do something active. If I have dinner plans and haven't eaten any healthy foods that day, I will suggest we cook together or I'll have a herbal tea instead of coffee. When I made a promise to myself, I find ways of working it into my life. There's no reason the two can't co-exist. It's the only way to make it sustainable. 

MINDSET

I also had to change my mindset and be realistic. Accomplishing big goals doesn't just happen over night. I tend to fall into an all or nothing thinking spiral and it often stops me from getting started until I feel like I can just do everything all at once. I've had to change my mindset to recognize that everything counts towards the bigger picture. 

EVERY LITTLE THING COUNTS

Right now one of my goals is to save money and stay out of credit card debt. Finance is the best way to learn how every little thing counts. I've made small changes to my daily habits to support this goal. For example, I rarely pay for things in cash. This is because I track my monthly spending into categories of groceries, coffee, gas, etc. I can't track where my cash goes so I try not to keep any on me. By tracking every dollar, I can be completely honest with myself and my spending habits. We can't track progress without knowing where we stand. 

Another one of my promises to myself was to meditate every day. I used to do this every day for years but when my environment changed, I found it really hard to keep this one up. I decided to try doing my meditation first thing in the morning. That way, it becomes a habit and is prioritized over the time I take to do my makeup or get dressed. Since I made this change, I've meditated every single day. Even while traveling. 

SELF-LOVE

Staying consistent with my goals comes with challenges but I've created this promise from a place of self-love. It sounds cheesy but if your goals don't evolve from a loving place, you'll end up hating yourself if you don't measure up to perfection some days. There are times when I over-spend, when I don't have the best workout, when I over-book myself or eat junk food, but I forgive myself and promise to do better the next day. Self-hate prioritizes self-destructing activities over self-improvement. When we're mad at ourselves, do we really feel like being kind to ourselves? I've learned to fuel my rituals with love, compassion and kindness. Frankly, it's the only way to get to where I want to be. 

PHOTOS BY MICHAEL TUNDO.

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WHY I STOPPED CARING ABOUT WHATPEOPLE THINK

I've always been more interested in style versus fashion. Style encompasses everything — it's a mood, it's your clothes, it's the times, and it's your energy. Clothes are for us to wear. They're not supposed to wear us. Blah Blah Blah, you've heard all the quotes. And yet, sometimes I find myself being 'worn' by my clothes. 

When someone has style, you feel it. It's not that their wearing the latest fashions or the most expensive designers. It's that they are wearing what they want to wear because they want to wear it. Personal style only comes through when you have nothing holding you back. Other peoples' opinions and their comments, perfect people I see on insta, a fear of being rejected or unwelcome — these are all things that used to still hold me back sometimes from dressing fully for me. While I'm still on a journey of not caring what other people think, I have come to several realizations that act as my foundation. They're daily reminders to truly not give a F*CK. 

Blazer: Salvation Army, $5. Pants: The Gap, $22. Bag: Aldo, $23. Heels: Expression, The Bay, Outlet $15. Headscarf: Value Village, $4.

Caring too much about what other people think: 

is a waste of my time.

I used to spend hours and hours getting ready for school. And even then, I wouldn't ever be fully happy with the way I looked. I would over-analyze every detail. I don't look weird enough. I don't look high fashion enough. I don't look cool enough. This pattern is passé. And the list would go on. And on. My favourite outfits were created in 30 seconds. And while I knew this, I would still spend way too much time getting dressed. I have come to realize that allowing my own self-limiting judgments and those of others to affect me and what I wear in such a big way was a waste of my time and energy. I began to pretend that all those floating judgment heads didn't exist and all that mattered is that I was happy with how I looked. When I began to do this, I remembered how much I truly enjoy getting dressed and in turn, my outfits actually turned out better. 

Style is about so much more than clothes.

People who have style have a je ne sais quoi about them that goes beyond what they're wearing. They feel good. They are charming and perfectly unique. They dare to be different. They command attention without asking for it. I always try to remember this. Especially at times when I enter the over-analyzation department of my brain. You know — the one where you question everything and feel like your on a hamster wheel. What I lack in outfit, I know I can make up in presence. I remind myself that I am so much more. 

I only limit myself. 

When I'm too fixated on what people think of me, I am limiting myself. I've realized that when I care too much about what other people think, the only person who suffers is me. It's like placing my success parameters according to other people's perceptions. And the box gets smaller and smaller the more people's opinions I consider to be true. When I do my best to stop caring and cultivate a stronger sense of self, I feel my metaphorical sandbox dissolving and life opening up.

Caring too much about what other people think: 

is a joy-snatcher.

Do you ever get really excited or happy about something and then you tell someone about it and they're in such a negative mindset themselves that they shoot it down? Whether it's a dream or an idea, they just can't help but say something negative about it. I've had people make rude comments or jokes and tell me not to wear something. I am pretty good at laughing it off now but I do realize it takes away my experience of things that bring me joy. And I deserve to feel joy. We all do. When I started seeing other people's negative comments as a reflection of the relationship they have with themselves, I began to react less to it. 

PHOTOS BY MICHAEL TUNDO.

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A PROMISE I MADETO MYSELF THATHAS CHANGED MY LIFE

Before this year even began, I knew it would consist of big changes and new environments. I've shared before that one of the biggest changes has been living apart from my twin. She moved seven hours away for school and is pursuing her dreams. This year has been a challenging one for me so far. Living far from Lisa was my first challenge. And I rode that pity-party rollercoaster ride for about a month before I realized that I had let myself go. I didn't like how I was feeling on the regular and needed to take things into my own hands. It was time for me to figure out how to take care of me, for me. I was used to taking care of me and Lisa — as a twin unit. But not for just me, myself, and I. Deep down, I realize now that I care more about her wellbeing than my own and I'm suffering for it. I think it's normal to forget that at any point, we all have the power to change our lives. I started with the basics. 

Coat, Top and Boots: Value Village. Skirt: Victoria Beckham x Target. Hoops: Forever 21. 

The basics — eating healthy and fresh foods, getting enough sleep, moving my body, resting, saying no when I need to, daily meditation, doing things that bring me joy, and leaning on others for support are incredibly important. When I moved, I somehow stopped doing many of these things. It was no wonder I wasn't feeling great. About two weeks ago, during meditation, I felt compelled to make a promise to myself. 

How many promises do we make to other people? How many times do we respond 'yes' or 'of course'? And, how often do we actually do the same for ourselves? 

My promise sounded like this: 

I promise to meditate everyday. 
To feed myself healthy, fresh foods
To move my body and sweat
To rest 
To speak my truth
To sleep enough

The words just came to me. I knew what I needed. We all do. But we're scared to make a promise to ourselves. We're scared to admit that we need to care for ourselves sometimes, which may require us to actually utter the word 'no' to others. 

This promise became my daily ritual. It is just a few sentences and there is no one holding me accountable except myself. I am enough to keep me going. 

Let. Me. Tell. Youuuu.

Since I've been speaking this promise, I haven't felt this good in months, since before my routine was thrown off. My mind feels clear. I have boundless energy. I am creative. I have tolerance. 

I will — and have — been taken off course since. But knowing that it's a possibility to feel that good again, is the biggest and best motivator for me to go back to that place. I know how important these basics are for me. And each basic motivates the next. When I eat healthy foods, I feel inspired to exercise. When I rest when I need to, I feel in control. When I meditate everyday, I create the space for me to make this promise to myself. The promise has opened my life. 

You know the age-old money saving tip of pay yourself first? When I meditate everyday, I make my promise. I promise myself before I make any promises to others. And that is how you cultivate self-love. 

PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD (during our first visit!)

I've been encouraging my yoga students to make a promise to themselves. And I say "you know what that promise is." 

So, what promise do you need to make to yourself? 

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