BODY IMAGE: HOW I'MBEING KINDER TOMYSELF IN LOCKDOWN

Being in lockdown has undoubtedly had a massive impact on our wellbeing, our self-esteem and for me, my body image. At first, I was really thrown off by the pandemic. I was concerned for my health and those around me, overwhelmed by the amount of panic and suffering that occurred across the globe, and I really struggled with the massive shifts in my day-to-day routine. I didn't know what this meant for me, my future, my health, and my plans for staying in the UK. Since I live in London and my family lives in Canada, I felt helpless. 

I coped with all of this in a number of ways. I've had many crying sessions. I've taken a lot of naps. I've eaten so many snacks. And I've woke up with the same thoughts every morning "this, again?" I've learned to take each day as it comes and adjust my schedule to my daily needs. 

One thing I struggled with in the beginning of lockdown was my body image. I was spending more time scrolling on Instagram, comparing myself to other people, more time looking in the mirror, and tonnes of time alone with my thoughts. This all started to affect my self-esteem. But then I started to realize that I didn't want to spend this entire lockdown feeling this way. I began to see that everything I was feeling was normal and in that moment, I accepted myself. I forgave myself for doing whatever I needed to do to get by. And if that meant snacks and naps, then so be it. I decided to be kinder and more gently with myself during this time. What we're all experiencing is a crisis and I shouldn't blame myself for feeling all kinds of emotions and needing to comfort myself in the ways I know how. 

Over time, I began to re-build my body confidence and I now feel like I love myself even more than I did pre-lockdown. Today I wanted to share what has helped me increase my body confidence during lockdown. Scroll to the end for the YouTube video! Yes — a video! It's been years. 

1. Forgiveness 

Negative body image can stem from not accepting the way we look and wishing we looked like someone else. I've learned that in order to treat myself with more love and kindness, I needed to forgive myself for the negative thoughts I've had towards my body and accept myself for who I am today. I'm all for making positive changes and aspiring to reach a level of health and wellbeing, but I've learned that before doing that, I must accept what I look like right now. By reaching a state of body neutrality, I can move forward towards body positivity. 

2. If it doesn't fit, put it away

Once I started lockdown and working remotely, my outfit choices changed significantly. I stopped wearing a bra (how awesome is this?!) and I stopped wearing jeans and belts. I didn't feel inspired to put any colour into my outfits or put the usual amount of effort in because I didn't see the point if I was just staying in my room. In the beginning, I couldn't even emotionally handle considering trying on my jeans. In the event that that didn't fit how they used to, I knew this would affect my self-esteem. By only wearing clothes that fit me, and not putting pressure on myself to dress exactly how I used to, I found this really helped me feel more comfortable in my skin. 

3. Curate your social feeds

As per my screen time reports, I've definitely doubled up my social media scrolling times. And in the beginning of lockdown, this really took a hit on my self-confidence. I began comparing myself and getting really emotionally attached to how many likes and follows I was getting. Over time, I decided to unfollow people who promoted weight loss, diets, and obsessive workout culture. I then followed people who inspire me to love myself as I am and promote positive body image.

Some of my favourite accounts: Body Posi Panda, Raffela, Lauren Nicole, Self Love Liv, Kenzie Brenna, Self Love Bible, Fat Girl Flow, Isobel Greenfield, Joey Darlinn, Brasilnality, Zach Miko, A Bear Named Troy, The Prep Guy, Kelvin Davis, and Harvey Guillen.

4. Get into your body 

When I think negatively about my body, I tend to see my body as something that is separate to me. It's something over there that I don't like. But when I actually look at myself, touch my body, and move my body, I feel more ownership of this vehicle. And when I feel ownership, I feel closer to my body and want to show it more love. Some of my favourite ways to get into my body are through dance, yoga, meditation, running, walking, and self-massage. 

5. Dress up for you 

In the beginning of lockdown, I didn't feel like dress up nicely to go nowhere. Yet, as weeks passed, I missed playing in my closet, doing my hair and make-up, and taking cute pics. Even though I had nowhere to go, I started doing this again and I really enjoyed it. Getting dressed up for me reminds me that I had nobody to impress but myself and all that matters is how I view myself, not what others think. Taking pictures also helps me to have factual evidence of what I look like, so it can destroy the distorted image I have in my head. 

6. Eat the cookies, but with love 

We all experience cravings from time to time and they're sometimes met with a lot of guilt and shame. Instead of either restricting myself from having certain foods or eating snacks while feeling guilty and shameful, I decided to allow myself to have these simple pleasures. I then practice eating the snacks slowly, with love and joy, and feeling happy about eating something I was really wanting. While we're under tremendous stress with this pandemic, we don't need added pressure to be perfect. 

7. Talk about it 

When I ruminate on the same negative thoughts around my body image, they can become all-consuming. Once I started sharing my concerns with friends, many of them related to me. All of us are undergoing many of the same emotions and experiences in lockdown and sharing this with friends and family helps take the weight of my chest. I instantly feel lighter once I get the thoughts out of my mind and onto paper or a conversation with a friend. Once I began to clear my mind of these thoughts, I could then focus on other things. Like projects, crafts, recipes, exercise, yoga, and gardening. As I focused on all these other aspects of my life, I began to spend less time focused on what I look like. 

My first YouTube video in years:

As lockdown restrictions ease up, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. Remember these tips and especially if you're re-entering your workplace, only wear clothes that fit you and make you feel confident. I am hopeful we will come out of this situation stronger, more united and much kinder to ourselves. 

What are you doing to be kinder to yourself during lockdown? 

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SURRENDER

I like to have a plan. 

To some degree, we all do. Humans are change and risk averse. As much as I have faith in the universe and the journey that life is taking me on, I still struggle with believing everything will work out. 

My need to control everything around me has backfired many times. The more in-control I try to be, the less I actually control. Because change is the only constant in life, I’m learning that control itself is an illusion. How could I possibly have control when there is a circus dancing around me? 

I mentioned in my last post that I am heading into a summer of uncertainties that will have a big effect on my life. This alone has made me feel out of control — as there are so many factors that are literally outside my command centre. Add on top of that a global health pandemic and economic uncertainty abound, I put my hands up. 

Even this photoshoot had a 'plan'. My idea was to choose a word for 2020 and dress accordingly. When my friend Sabina of Vita and Moda took these photos — many weeks before social distancing was a thing — I thought my word was freedom. I wanted to look and feel more vulnerable than I typically do — hence the sheer dress. I think more than anything I want to feel free. And the more I thought about this word, the more it felt done to me. I realized I am free. I set myself free. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SABINA 

It wasn’t until this week — which brought more and more hints at the overbearing uncertainty of my life — that I had to sit down and do some emotional healing and soul searching. It was during my meditation and crying sesh that the word surrender came to me. At first, my natural tendency to control kicked in. And then reality (and the fact that too many things are now out of my control) kicked in. And then I dropped my walls. The ones that were so narrowly caving in on me day by day. I felt a sense of relief.

There is a space between action and reaction. I realize that what I can choose is how I react to where life brings me. It is in this space that I found healing and light. Openness and faith. When I surrender my need to control everything, I am giving leverage to my higher self. That part of me that acts out of love over fear and supports my utmost biggest dreams. 

I can’t control everything. I can’t decide exactly what my life will look like. If the current circumstances have taught me anything, it is that I can and must live presently and take small actions each day to move in the direction I want — a direction towards living and loving bigger than ever before. I can have faith. I can trust that as long as I live in a way that feeds my soul, I will always be in the ‘right’ place. 

What helps me is to know that there is a bigger plan, a higher purpose, for me and for all of us. When I turn my focus to something beyond little old me, I feel connected to the wider world and humanity. 

I’ve learned that I need to love myself more than anyone else. It is through self-love that I can feel strong enough within myself to let everything else go. I can relinquish control. I can be my own queen and sit on my throne. And it’s my throne. It’s the front seat of the rollercoaster of my life.

I’m buckled up and I won’t look back.

Have a poem:

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GETTING REALWITH MYSELF

In this week’s edition of ‘What is my purpose?’: I’ve been confronting a lot of big picture life stuff. I have some big decisions to make this summer. Some are out of my control (hello expiring Visa) and some aren’t. Regardless of what happens with that, I am reaching a point where I’ve taken a huge leap of faith, I’ve given myself time and space to get to know myself, and now I am beginning to make sense of this new found knowledge. 

I’ve gotten real with myself. I’ve become more honest. I’m living my life the way I want to. In the process, I’m learning what I will tolerate and won’t — and how to communicate that. I’m learning that being direct with people in a way that is truthful and kind doesn’t take away from the warm and gentle person I aspire to be. It doesn’t take away from me being loving and compassionate. It doesn’t take away anything and actually gives me peace and more space in my heart to be able to love in a bigger way.

For so much of my life, I lived it for everyone else. Take my first relationship for example, where I was so desperate for love and attention that I sacrificed my happiness, my friendships, my time and dignity just to feel loved. I lied to him, to everyone around me, and most of all to myself. I wasn’t honest about what I wanted because frankly, I didn’t feel worthy of it. I could barely even close my eyes and dream of what I truly wanted because it was so blurred. My self-worth was so low that I couldn’t see a life where I was in a happy, healthy relationship, let alone living the dreams I couldn’t even picture at the time.

I’ve always believed there’s no such thing as bad people or anyone that intentionally wants to harm other people. We all approach life from our own frame of reference and everyone carries some form of conditioning, trauma, fears, and self-doubt that collides with other people’s conditioning, trauma, fears and self-doubt.

My trusting nature truly comes from a place of optimism and love — of knowing that deep down, everyone is born into this world with a loving heart. I still believe this. But, I’ve also been hurt enough times by people to know that we are also human — with a spectrum of emotions and animalistic tendencies. Straight up: we make mistakes. I do too.

I’ve been reflecting lately on how I’ve changed in the past year and a half. One of the major changes is that I’ve become a more honest and direct person. Moving to a city like London alone has definitely caused me to alter this way of thinking. It was the only way I’d survive.

I’m learning to accept that I can be direct and voice my opinion with people, set boundaries, and be honest, and I can still believe in our inherent good nature. Everyone deserves the opportunity to start with a blank slate to build a foundation of trust upon. And trusting people doesn’t make me gullible just as much as being direct and setting clear boundaries doesn’t make me a mean person.

The general theme of my life right now has fluctuated between getting real with myself and others, asking for and working hard for what I want to achieve professionally and personally, still dealing with feelings of guilt around all of the above, and just trying to survive the day to day. Things like managing getting to work clothed, bathed, with snacks, and navigating my commute, balancing after work activities, working on my goals and personal to-do lists, my finances and paying bills on time, keeping in contact with my friends and family in Canada, growing my friendships here in London, as well as dating and looking for a relationship. When I write it out like this, I now realize why I am always tired. And why I have graduated from drinking coffee for fun to drinking coffee to wake up. *insert sweat bead emoji*

I’m not alone — we all have a lot going on. But I’m enjoying myself. I genuinely love my life. I’m not perfect. I fall more times than my social media would ever admit. And on this honesty journey, I want to begin sharing more of that person — the everyday lady just trying to juggle all the balls. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LEANNE DIXON 

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YOU DON'T NEEDTO DO IT ALL

PHOTOGRAPHY: LEANNE DIXON

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The magic of twin-ship

I’ve been sitting on posting these photos for seven months now. Mostly because I couldn't find the words to describe this lady right here and the bond we share. For those who know, you know who this is. Everyone else: Meet my (fraternal) twin sister, Lisa! When she came to visit me in London last June, I forced nudged her to do a photoshoot with me. And this is what we came out with. 

Being twins, we have so many photos together as babies and kids, but we actually don’t have that many together as adults. Before I moved, she was my primary blog photographer and spent most of the time behind the camera. I’m so happy she was willing to be on the other side this time around. Photoshoots can be scary but like most things in life, Lisa will do them if I prove that I didn’t die doing it first. This one we faced together. 

This wasn’t a regular photoshoot and these aren’t just photos. To me, they evoke emotions — ones we proudly show on our faces — and not just the calm and happy ones. They tell a story of our twinness and the many ways we co-exist in the world. From the cuddly to the sassy, to the unbreakable hand-holding and the pretending to be civilized outside a café photo, I hope you get a sense of what we’re truly like, not just through my words, but through the images too. 

This visit was incredibly special to me. Lisa is the most important person in my life; She’s my best friend and partner for life. If there was a geographical equivalent to the love I have for Lisa, London would be it. Spending time with the person I love most in the city I love the most was, well, a love explosion, if you will.

The lovefest lasted until the moment I had to unhinge my arms from her waist at the airport departures gate. Being a twin is not easy. On the one hand, Lisa and I (I’ll refer to us as “we” moving forward) get to experience a rare bond that only 3.3 per cent of people do. Being a twin is vastly different from having sisters or brothers, and lightyears different from being an only child. Only twins truly understand the bond we have, although not all twins remain close throughout their lifetime.

We’re in the ‘close forever’ box

We have had the immense pleasure and joy of being very close since babies. The love, friendship, and twin-ship (if you will) that we have is unparalleled to anything I’ve ever experienced. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her and I can always rely on her just the same. There’s been a lot of research done on twins. We’ve learned that twins bond to each other in the way non-twin children bond to their parents. So, when twins separate, they feel the same difficulties that non-twin children feel when they move out of their parents’ home. 

Twins living in different cities

We’ve not lived in the same city for two years now. When we first moved away from each other (Lisa moved away for school), we spent the first few months crying a lot while spending every moment we could on Facetime, mostly while the camera watched us do our everyday tasks (like a baby monitor of sorts).

It was really, really, hard

Living in the dark underbelly of the metaphorical rainbow twin-ship bridge exposed how close our relationship is. We’ve never existed without each other. It’s no wonder we didn’t really know how. And this is why ripping the twin separation band-aid was equally painful and crucial to our growth as people — and as twins. 

Moving to London 

This has been my dream for many years. I had to make many sacrifices to come here and live out this dream, and my family and friends back home have had to do the same. Lisa has been so supportive. Even though it was my choice to move here, she has had to suffer the pain of us being apart. Despite this, she’s always cheered me on and has put me above her own feelings and desires of wanting me home.  

We can feel the distance 

When I packed up my life to move to London, I wasn’t worried about the challenges that would come my way. I was mostly worried about how we would deal with being so far away. The timezone is one thing but being so physically far away is a hard one to swallow. As twins, we aren’t telepathic but we do have a strong energetic connection and we can feel the distance between us. 

How have we survived? 

Some days we do and sometimes we don’t. We have a strict FaceTime schedule. While I always know what she is up to and we get to see each-other’s face every day, I am missing out on the little things. Whether it’s doing groceries or cleaning the house, everything was easier when we did it together, and we made it fun. Seeing her face when I come home from work and her “bothering me” asking how my day is like a dog who’s greeted it’s owner at the door. These are the things I miss the most. 

PHOTOS BY LEANNE DIXON

Because of you, I am 

Lisa gives me life and she inspires me to be better. When life knocks me out, she is the reason I can keep going. The bond we share is forever. It’s infinite. It’s rare. I’m grateful to get to experience the magic of twin-ship.

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ANXIETY, DISORDERED EATING AND BODY IMAGE:MY KETO DIET STORY

TW - diet talk, diet culture, disordered eating

***

I've shared a lot of stories on this blog. I've talked about my mental health and suicidal thoughts, my experience watching my grandma die, and my spiritual journey. I like to think I'm an open book and there really isn't much I'm afraid to share.

Except for one story in particular. Today I finally feel ready to share this one. And I have to say that writing this post has been unexpectedly healing for me. 

While I'm mostly a confident person, you may not know the struggles I've gone through to get where I am today with positive body image. I've been holding back on sharing this story. I didn't feel like I had permission to when I'm not completely happy with my weight right now. 

I have finally realized that I'm allowed to share my experience with dieting and still want to lose a few pounds. For a long time, I struggled with feeling like I failed at weight loss. I know others have felt this way too. Why do we feel like we can't share our experiences until we've been what is considered 'successful' at losing weight? And if not successful at weight loss, being successful at still loving our bodies the way they are. Most of the time, we see the finished product and don't see what's behind the perfect picture we see on instagram. The person you envy could look perfect on the outside but maybe they haven't eaten much that day, maybe they think they'd feel better five pounds lighter, or maybe they spend every minute worrying or feeling guilty about something they ate. I know I've been that person before. 

Appearance is such an illusion and it can be really harmful to people. I know I've felt it. Today I'm sharing my experience because when we share our stories, it lets other people know they're not alone. When we share, our pain turns into triumph. 

I have always been a chubby girl. 

Growing up, I was bullied for being a bigger girl. I struggled with being the heaviest among my friends group. I attended elementary school in the 90s when being stick thin was at its' peak. I spent middle school and high school in the early 2000s at the peak of low rise jean popularity. And I spent all those years wondering why I couldn't look like my friends and the women I saw in magazines. 

All the women in my family are curvier. My mom's side is Italian so food was always a big part of family gatherings. I remember being seven or eight years old and telling my mom I wanted to go on a diet. When I was 13, I remember restricting what I ate and weighing myself obsessively. I hated my body and wished I were thinner. 

In high school, I made new friends and they were more diverse and inclusive of everyone, every body. I still felt pressure to lose weight and joined a gym. 

College is where the changes began. I became very busy with school, internships, volunteering, work, and a relationship. By graduation day, I had gained 30 pounds and became ashamed of how I looked. I hated myself. I blamed myself. Instead of feeling proud of all that I accomplished, I felt unworthy of celebrating until I lost weight. I wanted a quick fix and immediate change. I noticed a friend had posted on Facebook about a new weight loss program she was trying. I decided to try it too. I'm not writing this post to call out a single diet program but to share my experience and to call out diet culture in general. For this reason, I won't be naming any names. 

The Diet

I met with the owner of the weight loss program and she was very persuasive. Looking back, I now realize she was a sales person, not a weight loss coach with your best interests in mind. At our first meeting, she didn't provide very much information or specifics about how many calories I'd be consuming or how financially this would affect me. She explained in scientific detail how my body would begin to rely on fat for energy instead of carbs and this would cause me to enter a state of 'ketosis' and the pounds would melt off. I didn't care to hear the explanation. She sold me fast weight loss and I bought it. 

It wasn't until recently — six years later —that I began to see the word 'keto' or 'ketosis' appear again. It immediately sparked my interest since that word was repeated so many times back when I was on the diet. I also saw that Netflix released a documentary called 'The Magic Pill' which discusses the keto diet. Subsequently, I've seen a few friends and acquaintances on social media posting their meals and hashtagging #ketodiet or #ketolife. Upon further inspection, it turns out the Ketosis diet is the number one googled diet of 2018. I couldn't think of a better time to share my experience.

I was on a very extreme, strict, and expensive version of the Keto diet. I had a weight loss coach who I met with every week where I was weighed and handed in my weekly food journal. She would review it and tell me where I went wrong and what worked well. I felt so judged and whenever I "messed up", I took it hard. I was mostly eating a LOT of meat, eggs, and vegetables, in addition to protein dense, genetically modified processed foods from plastic packets. I wasn't "allowed" to eat fruit, dairy, soft cheeses, drink alcohol or milk — basically any carbs. I did this for three months. In the summer. When food brings such pleasure. In addition to feeling extremely deprived and singled out at social events, I became very obsessed with food. 

On this diet, you expel sodium, potassium, magnesium, and water a lot quicker so I was taking and obscene amount of supplements. I was discouraged from exercise as it would be too much for my body since it was so busy being "in ketosis". 

Over three months, I lost 33 pounds. I only wanted to weigh what I weighed before college but the same weight following this diet equalled a different clothing size. Instead of returning to my former size 12, I became a size 8. This was thinner than I'd ever been or wanted to be. I no longer had my curves or felt sexy. I felt like a shell of who I was. As you can see by the fake smile in the photo below (left), I still wasn't happy. 

Why I Stopped

Diets of all kinds, including ketosis, is not sustainable in the long term. I was always anxious about what I was going to eat for the next meal or what I was going to have at a family gathering. Hanging out with friends wasn't as enjoyable because I couldn't eat the foods I used to or have a patio drink. I became really sick of eating so much meat. I began to get really bad headaches. I experienced what I now know was anxiety for the first time. I would get so mad at myself if I didn't lose any weight one week. And I hated having to explain myself if I ate something I wasn't supposed to. 

In addition to the headaches, anxiety, and stress, I noticed my period stopped while I was on this diet. Ketosis occurs when a person is deprived of dietary carbohydrates, causing the body to burn glycogen and fat stores for energy. This can lead to rapid weight loss, which may cause late or missed periods in some women. (source) While I agree periods are annoying anyway, they are good indicator of overall health. And I for one wouldn't trade it in for living an unhealthy lifestyle. 

When I met with the weight loss coach to tell her I was quitting, she made me feel like I was crazy and it was just the carbs making me think I needed them. She tried to convince me I was addicted to sugar and this feeling was just the addiction talking. I now know it's because she was scared of losing me as a client. I must've spent thousands on her weight loss program. I sobbed in her office and she made me feel like I was making a big mistake. 

I'm so grateful I eventually realized what was happening and noticed how obsessive I became with food. I recognized my thought patterns changing and I knew this wasn't healthy. I wanted to have my old self back, rolls and all. 

Where I'm At Today

Writing this post has made me realize how far I've come. I obviously have my beloved curves back. I got my happiness and peace of mind back too. I returned to eating how I want, not worrying about my next meal and meeting a weekly weight loss quota. I have learned to love my body. And I really do. Each day is different. Some days are better than others but I do love my body. When I look at myself in the mirror naked, of course there are things I'd change but those things are mainly dictated by what is portrayed as beautiful. I know my body is perfect as it is.  

I would be lying if I told you I don't want to lose a few pounds. This year has come with boatloads of stress and my clothes aren't fitting how I want them to. But instead of freaking out or spiralling into a carb-free river of self hate, I am approaching this life style change with self love. I make a promise to myself every morning to eat healthy and fresh foods. That is my goal. I exercise almost every day. I love the way it makes me feel. I know my clothes will eventually fit better but I am being patient and consistent. 

I want to start more conversations around body image, self love, and exposing the harmful effects of diet culture. I've been brain washed by diet culture but I now see right through it. I want to advocate for more acceptance and less judgment. I want to upload less perfect pictures and show that I can love myself as I am, right here and now, and you can too. 

If you're reading this I hope you know you're perfect right now. If you've been affected by the weight loss industry, I'm sorry and I feel you. It's not okay and nobody should make you feel less than. And I want to apologize to anyone I've made feel less than because I was eating a certain way or reached a certain number on the scale. I am no better than anyone else. 

Eating should be enjoyable. Food has the power to bring people together, to express creativity, and to heal. I am so happy I found love again in food, in my body, and in me.  


photo credits: Lisa Kidd, Rosie Waugh, Michael Tundo

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HOW VULNERABILITYCAN LEAD TO HAPPINESS

Lately I've been very curious about what makes someone great. I would define greatness as being happy and living your truth. I'm curious about what separates people who are happy and those who are not. I recently attended a lecture on happiness and it was packed. The speaker said that all everyone wants is to be happy. I would agree.

More and more, I'm learning that our happiness is largely connected to, well, connection. And when I think about it, I feel the most amount of joy when I connect with people.

Tunic: Vintage Market, London UK. Jeans: Urban Planet. Boots: Dr. Martens. Sunglasses: Camden Market. 

I really like how Brené Brown, a research professor who studies vulnerability, worded this in her TED Talk: 

Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. It's neurobiologically how we're wired.

In a world where we're hearing people say catching feelings like they're germs, we often lose sight of our own biology, and the fact that we're hard-wired to need each other to survive. We're supposed to feel feelings. We're supposed to need each other. In order to allow for deep connection, though, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. And that can be really scary. 

When we put ourselves out there — whether through our words, our art, our music or business, we are opening the door for potential criticism and judgment. It also means we're exposing ourselves to answers and opposing views, which is a lot more fulfilling than stagnating in the comfort of what we already know. 

I spend a lot of time listening to music from people I admire, watching documentaries and listening to podcasts that feature people who have overcome incredible obstacles to stay true to themselves. I feel so inspired by people who have dared to dream, to go beyond their fears, and stand up for something they believe in. This helps me stay in a headspace that's conducive to me achieving my dreams. 

I'm almost always listening to music. The artist I've consistently come back to listening to lately has been SZA. One of her songs in particular made it onto my most listened to in 2017 list. It's called Supermodel and while I must've listened to it over a hundred times, it recently inspired a train of thought that inspired this post. 

Why I can't stay alone just by myself? 
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
But I need you, but I need you, but I need you

These lyrics convey such deep vulnerability. I started thinking about why I love her music so much and that's exactly it. She's not afraid to say what so many of us are often thinking but would never dare to speak. She's tapped into a level of vulnerability in her lyrics that I'm not even ready for but need so badly. 

It's clear that SZA's vulnerability has contributed to her success in music and life. This got me thinking about vulnerability and how it can be used to help us connect deeper, feel less alone, and be happier. 

Opening up and letting people see who we truly are is a gift. Sharing a part of you with someone is sort of like a sacrifice that you make for them. It's a risk that almost always brings reward.

PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD.

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