A PROMISE I MADETO MYSELF THATHAS CHANGED MY LIFE

Before this year even began, I knew it would consist of big changes and new environments. I've shared before that one of the biggest changes has been living apart from my twin. She moved seven hours away for school and is pursuing her dreams. This year has been a challenging one for me so far. Living far from Lisa was my first challenge. And I rode that pity-party rollercoaster ride for about a month before I realized that I had let myself go. I didn't like how I was feeling on the regular and needed to take things into my own hands. It was time for me to figure out how to take care of me, for me. I was used to taking care of me and Lisa — as a twin unit. But not for just me, myself, and I. Deep down, I realize now that I care more about her wellbeing than my own and I'm suffering for it. I think it's normal to forget that at any point, we all have the power to change our lives. I started with the basics. 

Coat, Top and Boots: Value Village. Skirt: Victoria Beckham x Target. Hoops: Forever 21. 

The basics — eating healthy and fresh foods, getting enough sleep, moving my body, resting, saying no when I need to, daily meditation, doing things that bring me joy, and leaning on others for support are incredibly important. When I moved, I somehow stopped doing many of these things. It was no wonder I wasn't feeling great. About two weeks ago, during meditation, I felt compelled to make a promise to myself. 

How many promises do we make to other people? How many times do we respond 'yes' or 'of course'? And, how often do we actually do the same for ourselves? 

My promise sounded like this: 

I promise to meditate everyday. 
To feed myself healthy, fresh foods
To move my body and sweat
To rest 
To speak my truth
To sleep enough

The words just came to me. I knew what I needed. We all do. But we're scared to make a promise to ourselves. We're scared to admit that we need to care for ourselves sometimes, which may require us to actually utter the word 'no' to others. 

This promise became my daily ritual. It is just a few sentences and there is no one holding me accountable except myself. I am enough to keep me going. 

Let. Me. Tell. Youuuu.

Since I've been speaking this promise, I haven't felt this good in months, since before my routine was thrown off. My mind feels clear. I have boundless energy. I am creative. I have tolerance. 

I will — and have — been taken off course since. But knowing that it's a possibility to feel that good again, is the biggest and best motivator for me to go back to that place. I know how important these basics are for me. And each basic motivates the next. When I eat healthy foods, I feel inspired to exercise. When I rest when I need to, I feel in control. When I meditate everyday, I create the space for me to make this promise to myself. The promise has opened my life. 

You know the age-old money saving tip of pay yourself first? When I meditate everyday, I make my promise. I promise myself before I make any promises to others. And that is how you cultivate self-love. 

PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD (during our first visit!)

I've been encouraging my yoga students to make a promise to themselves. And I say "you know what that promise is." 

So, what promise do you need to make to yourself? 

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2016 REFLECTIONS: SELF-LOVE, GROWTH, BIG TINGS

I sometimes feel like life is moving at a million miles per minute. Like I'm on a rollercoaster, watching scenes of my life appear and then quickly disappear. So much is happening, both good and bad, but it happens so fast. I'd wonder "Wait, have I actually acknowledged that moment or did it just simply happen?" I think I've finally learned how to get off the rollercoaster and onto the lazy river, where I can not only see and feel moments but fully experience them, even when they are over.

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Kundalini Yoga | I'm Teaching!

As you know I'm very passionate about mental health and yoga has become a large part of my self care routine. I began to delve much deeper into the topic this year in particular. In January, I embarked on a six month Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training course. I intended on blogging my entire experience but life got in the way towards the end. So, I'm sure you were all on the edge of your seat wondering how it all went! 

In this post I want to summarize my experience and also talk a little bit about the basic reasons why I practice this type of yoga. 

My teacher training experience was the most intense, challenging, and wonderful thing I've ever had the opportunity of taking part in. They say that if you don't want to change, don't do this yoga. And you know me, I'm constantly wanting to improve myself, inside and out. The trainings consisted of a four day weekend each month of learning about Kundalini yoga, practising, meditating, sharing, and connecting with the group. I was with 13 ladies and we now feel more like sisters. I got to know them on such a deep level. I couldn't tell you exactly where they work or how many siblings or kids they have, or what school they went to or where they're from. But I could tell you about their soul, their true essence. I could accurately describe their personality and tell you the most beautiful thing about their spirit. 

And we all just thought that was SO COOL. It would normally take years for me to know these ladies as well as I do. It makes me wonder though, how much of the time are we really talking about anything that matters? 

My last two training weekends were back to back (May and June). We had to practice teaching a class, do our exams, and learned about death according to the yogic tradition. Which actually made me less scared of death and view it differently. 

The June weekend was our graduation weekend. It was so bittersweet but I knew that I would be connected to the group and the practice for long after my training. What was most incredible in our last sharing circle was to hear everyone's thoughts come full circle. We reflected on if anything had changed, how we had changed, and everyone was glowing. 

I felt so proud of the ladies and myself for completing such a feat. To be so daring as to want to fix ourselves and become better people not just for ourselves but for everyone around us, was not easy. To face our fears and go inside ourselves to actually work on becoming who we were put on this earth to be – it's incredible. 

At the start of the course, I didn't think I would actually want to teach Kundalini Yoga, mostly for fear of failure on my part. But by the end, I felt so compelled to teach. Simply because I want more people to feel what I feel. To feel connected to themselves and their truth. They say teachers aren't here to tell you the truth but to remind you of yours. We all have so much capability to do amazing things but we forget and we lose confidence and hope. This practice helps me remember my strength and the power within me. 

Being a Virgo (despite sometimes denying it), I have to also share the straight up practical reasons why I practice. Three years ago when I was having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, I felt like I had tried everything to feel better (or to get some any relief). I was blessed to have a Kundalini Yoga teacher in my life (hi Christine!) who encouraged me to come to class long before the anxiety began. I didn't really listen until I was desperate to try anything. I started going to her class once a week and slowly started to feel better. I felt worse before things got better, though. Class was really hard for me and I would often feel tired and have headaches after class, but I felt my mind start to heal. And over time, the physical side effects wore off and my anxiety subsided. I haven't had a suicidal thought in almost two years and haven't had a panic attack in a long long time. I actually I feel better than I've ever felt. 

It takes work though. I practice a little bit every morning and still go to Christine's class every week (SUNDAY RITUAL). This yoga isn't easy and it isn't for pansies. It's for impatient people like me who like practical solutions to navigating this world. Stress exists and it always will. Shit will happen that will make you question humanity. People can be awful. But this yoga helps me see the good, feel alive, and feel connected to what truly matters. I am less yelly, as quoted by my sister. I feel like I have more patience and tolerance. I am in control of my anxiety because I am in control of my breath. I cherish moments more and I feel connected to my body. All of my relationships have improved (with my mom, sister, friends). And friends and family have told me that I'm waaaay better and I look radiant. Which is all too kind and pretty awesome, amiright??? 

It has been said: Kundalini Yoga produces results 16 times faster than ordinary yoga and is the original and most powerful of the twenty two schools of yoga, all of which are beneficial. The Yoga Sutras say that what you can achieve in 12 years of Hatha Yoga, plus 6 years of Raj Yoga, plus 3 years of Mantra Yoga, plus 1 year of Laya Yoga can be accomplished in a single year of perfectly practiced Kundalini Yoga. It is therefore known as the fastest form of Yoga practice and personal development. (source) If you want to learn more about Kundalini Yoga, read this. 

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And now for some exciting news. 

Starting tomorrow, I will be teaching a Kundalini Yoga class every Friday from 7:30-8:30 pm at Shunnya Centre in Ottawa, Ontario. If you live in the area, I hope to see you there! And for those who have enjoyed my Wellness Warriors collaboration, I am hoping to whip up a new video soon. 

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Yogi Adventures: Part 2 / February

Oh, Almonte. Where do I begin? 

This was my second Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training weekend (in a series of six). We took a little field trip 45 minutes out of the city to spend four days in the small town of Almonte, Ontario. I had heard of it before but truly didn't understand just how special it is. It's the cutest little town! There are adorable shops, restaurants, bridges, waterfalls, and the kindest souls! All within just a few blocks of each other. I've always considered myself a city girl but I quite enjoyed my time here. 

This weekend we had the honour of being taught by the most famous Kundalini teacher in the world, Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa. She was joined her by husband and teacher partner, Gurushabd. They've been practicing yoga for 45 years and their wisdom is beyond anything I've ever seen before. When Gurmukh speaks, the room quiets. Her words are so intriguing. She must do yoga or something. Wink. 

She owns the Golden Bridge Yoga Centre in New York and Santa Monica but also travels A LOT to India, Europe, Canada, and all over the world. If she happens to come somewhere near you, I'd encourage you to see her. 

I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to spend four days with these incredible teachers, my teacher training family, and everyone in between. I want to specially shout-out to Christine (Kulmeet) for bringing everyone together and making this happen, it's truly her forte. This weekend had a profound effect on me. I came home feeling refreshed, inspired, and light. I felt like my priorities were straightened right out. Ha! 

I had been feeling all wrapped up in my own mind about the things we all stress over: money, loneliness, FOMO, not having enough, wanting more, etc. But by the end of this weekend, I felt my heart was full and all my worries had shifted. I realized all that matters is love. To give, to help, to experience life's beauty, and to feel love. 

The glow. 

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Wellness Warriors: Winter Woes

I first met Kelly in 2012 at a blogger's brunch before going to my first ever Ottawa Vintage Clothing Show. We sat beside each other. We chatted. And from that moment until basically now, we remained online buddies. I've watched her journey of embracing her passions through her ever changing blog and life. In the past year or so, she really caught my attention with her posts about self care, anxiety, nutrition and overall health. 

If you're a frequent reader, you'll know my passion for self care. The more I read Kelly's blog and as she appeared in my social media feeds, the more I felt drawn to her. Her posts are helpful and relatable and many have to do with taking good care of yourself. With our shared interests, I felt like we could make something really cool together. That we did! And this right here is what was born of our chatty coffee date. 

I first read Wellness Warriors on one of Kelly's Facebook posts. 

A-ha! 

I loved it so much. It made me so happy. I felt like Yes! THAT is me. That is Kelly. That is so many people!

So many of us are fighting everyday for wellness. For ourselves. For others. And we truly are warriors. I resonated so much with these two words that we decided to call our collaboration Wellness Warriors. And it's not just for Kelly and I. We are Wellness Warriors. And so are you. We all are, really. 

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